A manifesto for real community

If there is anything I want to share with you, it is the power of community, to heal and to transform life on this planet. Experiencing togetherness that makes you feel connected to everyone while completely feeling free to be yourself: real community. Does that sound like a fairytale? I dare you to read on.

I begin by sharing why I came to see community as important. Then, you will find ‘The Alchemy of Community’: the layout of what a powerful community constitutes of.

Intimate stories

I would like to start with some vivid memories of when I shared stories, thoughts and feelings in a ‘special’ kind of group. This group was formed to share and welcome deeply personal and intimate things. I told others openly some of my deepest fears and – to my surprise – was welcomed for being brave.

Emotionally opening up to others, provided me with the experience of being fúlly seen and held – as if I was simultaneously coming home to myself and in this world. It made me aware that never before I had let this much love in or that I felt safe enough to be this much ‘me’ in a group-setting. I felt happy and sad at the same time, for it also made me aware of the general lack of ‘emotional safety’ I was experiencing in other situations.

In that same group, I felt deeply needed and alive when I was present for other members, when they shared their most intimate selves. As if we were ‘building a home together’ – a safe and powerful unifying group field.

It is this ‘unifying field’ that I wish for everyone to unfold in our lifetimes. To heal, to thrive, to be happy.

I imagine there are many many ways to experience a feeling of being connected, but maybe not so many that simultaneously empower you to be independent. Not separate from others and the world, but as a conscious individual that dares to choose for her or himself.

When I look at how (un)conscious most people seem to move through life, I think a big shift is necessary for humanity to solve it’s current crises. (Uh-oh, we’re moving into rough terrain here..) I’m confident that most societal, economical and ecological issues will keep growing until people can start to ‘relax’ into their human existence – until we, together, find ways to deal with the inherent stress of life. Maybe these problems are actually the products of our worries, fears and overal tightness in (not) dealing with life?

My answer to the above question makes me think we should feel loved before we can act out of love – that is, to move from trust, intuition and bravery, instead of comfort, rules or morality (how it ‘should be’). I’m not saying it’s wrong to choose the ‘easy road’, I just think it makes complete sense that we should at the very least be able to take the conscious one.

Possibly a more thought-provoking question:

How can our lives become as meaningful as they naturally should be? – especially in this incredibly pivotal time. When we stay away from the ‘harder’ things in life, we rob ourselves of the depth that comes with these choices and actions. More meaning = more agency = more consciousness, don’t you agree? I bet you agree, there is at least sóme untapped potential there?

Coming back to our main topic, I believe the unifying fields we can generate in groups, are necessary for us to move forward into this more conscious way of living. Please let me explain why I believe this ‘field’ is so powerful, for you to consider my point of view and maybe be inspired. (or, feel motivated to share your view.)

————————[picture of unified field]

Obviously, this ‘unifying field’ is not equally strong in every classroom, picknick or yoga-class. And before it becomes palpable, the group needs quite some clarity, stability and other qualities. It’s easy to think of groups that are powerful in an effective way – like an army unit, or corporate team – but these groups have a specific goal that is pointed outwards, which defeats part of the purpose. So if not this, what am I pointing to?

For me it makes sense in terms of music:

Picture that, instead of playing from a sheet or relying on a conductor, you are in the middle of a jazz improvisation or intuitive jamming. Together with the other band members, you become one with the music and each other, and experience flow, synchronicity and connection. That’s the unifying field right there.

Or, if you ever enjoyed playing in a sports team, it is very much like moments where all players are fully ‘in it’. You feel very connected to the other members without talking, and together you become one with the game. Winning or losing is no longer important. Again, an example of the power of the field and how it can merge our individual power to the level of collective power.

Maybe now you get the general idea of what I’m describing here – possibly with your own experiences of being in groups that made you feel deeply connected.

Let’s get physical

After I had clearly experienced the potency of unifying fields (in groups that had no specific goal besides being real and becoming whole) I felt a deep calling to expand these fields. Surely, we can all do this every single moment we are relating – by being honest, kind, authentic, etc. – but I believe my ‘calling’ is very much aligned with creating a strong physical community. Let me explain.

If you want to immerse yourself in a collective field, the options are limitless: festivals, birthday parties, sports teams, etc. You can join most of them without much restraint and they often seem to complement each other. That said, to really delve deeper into the essence and power of a unifying field, I have found stability and commitment to be essential components.

Building a community together is a BIG commitment.

Additionally, I feel our current physical environment is not helpful in making us feel connected. I can easily picture many obstacles that will need to physically transform in order to live a more connected lifestyle. Like housing that makes it fun to socialize or easy ways to consistently produce your own food. Hence, I believe conscious living communities – people living and working together with the land – are key to creating these bridges that are necessary for sustained unifying group fields.

I imagine most people, and possibly you as well, are resistant to the idea of sharing big chunks of one’s time, energy and possession. And that’s just one of the many possible reasons to feel resistance. Likewise, I found that people who are actually very enthusiastic about communal life, can be quite handicapped in the actual unfolding of it. Just like in romantic relationships, it takes a highly self-aware individual to not fall into the trap of blind idealism.

Many current communities struggle and our recent past is littered with cults of all kinds that didn’t work out so well. I see this as the clumsiness we gathered by deconstructing community life for millennia. Maybe we want it so badly now, we don’t know how to slow down in order to let it unfold organically. Also, I don’t believe we can ‘design’ a working conscious community the way we design buildings or parks. This is probably more like planting seeds that grow in the right direction, for the next generations to form gardens beyond our imagination.

Whatever we do, I see this as a big step in the process of ‘collective awakening’, or as Thich Nhat Hanh puts it: “The next Buddha is a Sangha''. He points to a consciousness that can only come alive in a collective field. It makes me nurture this feeling I have, that there is deep healing possible right around the corner – a gigantic conscious leap, when a group of people can share and hold feelings of trust while moving through the struggles of life together. 

In the same boat

So what can we do and why should we? Unlike some, I imagine all of us being strong agents of change. I see reality as a construct we have so far created together. Therefore I see two options: I either hold things together by ‘fixating’ to what I believe is true, or I allow things to shift, flow and harmonize by connecting to the infinite potential in every moment.

This might sound abstract and esoteric but I don’t believe it is. When looking at the concept of ‘change’, it seems logical to focus on how much effort it takes, but what if it was the other way around? What if there is actually a constant force needed to keep things fixed and stable, and that naturally things are fluid, undefined and mysterious. The only constant is change, right?

I don’t see either option (fixing or flowing, holding on or letting go) as ‘better’ and we obviously need both, but what is the right balance? Could a little extra ‘hippy-ness’ bring huge insights and change?

Even though we don’t have the same means or hold the same ‘power’ in a given moment, you might find we all share equal responsibility for creating a more beautiful reality. I find we constantly have the ability to be loving and kind while resisting the temptation to go ‘straight ahead’ all the time. We can be ‘enlightened’ when we choose to be in the moment.

So, equal responsibility then. But when I compare myself with you (maybe I shouldn’t, but for the sake of this example), I also see very different pieces of this ‘great puzzle of perfection’. Apart from a similar layout, we are beautifully unique. Logically, I can only move forward using my values and intuition, but I also see great wisdom in meeting you with your values and intuition – especially when they seemingly conflict with mine (are you still with me?)

Therefore, when we choose to hold space for these ‘contrasting values’, together or in a group, we can actually experience a heightening of consciousness:

…A unifying field is born. 

This practice, of meeting each other fully and intimately, is also a beautiful way of leveling the playing field. Because when we let go of wrong, right or ‘better than’, we become equals by listening and understanding the great unfolding of reality around us. We start learning together and willingly turn personal power into shared power. The necessity for power, control and domination diminishes, and is replaced with a natural sense of power, grounded in a healthy desire to manifest and heal. This is why I believe these intimate meetings – and unifying fields that emerge – are essential for creating a more beautiful world.

All in all, I feel it is time to start co-creating unifying fields, and specifically within conscious living communities.

Thank you for reading.

So, how do my words make you feel? Do they make you skeptical? Do they sound overly simple and naive? Or do they make you curious? Maybe you already feel the invitation to grow and flow together? I would love to read your reaction, ideas and questions, so feel very free to drop me a message below.

…and read on, below the form :)

The Alchemy of Community

If our desire is to create a healthy living community, what systemic yet pragmatic steps can take us in the right direction?

Pillars of Harmony

If, like me, you believe that a healthy human life requires a strong community, you probably wonder: “what makes a community strong?” In connecting the dots of my own experiences and readings, I now believe there are three ‘pillars’, each coupled with essential human needs: a foundation for our physical needs; circles for our social and emotional needs; and a narrative for our mental and spiritual needs. Seeing their unique contribution is in my view essential to understanding harmony in community.

1. Foundation / Earth 

Feeling safe with the earth, structures and physical objects.

How can we physically be with our surroundings so as to feel completely rooted and home? Be it through what we eat, how we work or where we sleep – the physical experience of being with the land and nature around us makes us able to root in it. Certain structures and agreements might be necessary: ways to share ownership and yield; a shared practice of honoring the land; a way to balance individuality and togetherness; etc. All in all, a set of shared practices and agreements can provide us with a foundation to be in harmony with our direct physical environment. 

2. Circles / Water & Fire 

Feeling safe in yourself and with the people you share life with.

Naturally, we want to feel whole with everything that is alive in us. What do we do when things feel too heavy to bear? Can we co-create social containers that hold us in our most vulnerable and authentic states? As a collective we can learn to open up a conscious field that goes beyond morality (wrong and right) so we can expand emotionally and step into a ‘bigger’ us. Once we establish this container, conflict actually moves us forward and we experience a pure conscious togetherness that breaks our ‘individual’, separate bubble and feels far more expansive and more whole. When well balanced, we can fully be ourselves ánd fully be together.

3. Narrative / Air & Cosmos 

Feeling safe within society and the greater container of the Universe.

How can we live in trust with all that seems to be outside of this moment, including the unknown? Myths are as old as language itself and form the basis of everything we hold as true that is beyond our direct senses. For us to live more in this moment, we also need to be able to welcome the unknown, the magical and mystical. Telling stories and songs therefore seems absolutely necessary to connect us with the great Beyond. When we compose a shared narrative, we write history. How can we make this new (hi)story as inclusive, magical and loving as possible?

Each of these pillars can keep me talking for hours on end. For the sake of keeping overview (and sanity) I outlined some of the more crucial elements of every pillar below.

Keep the Fire burning

Before we move on to the pillars, I want to share it takes something for a community to flourish, other than harmony. Just as much, it needs movement: growth and decline; speeding up and slowing down; passion, direction and contant change.

Paradoxically, the community aspect of the community cannot be the center. Just like we as humans don’t do well when we are focused solely on ourselves, the collective needs momentum to keep spinning and move forward, in order to remain healthy.

I distinguish three key elements that I believe create the necessary flow and spiral into each other: 

Beat  – The heart and center of the community, that keeps a rhythm, dictates direction and sends out ripples into the larger collective field.

Funk  – The collective intelligence of the group and a way of honoring our natural eros to create divine connection between members of the community.

Soul  – The unique intelligence of an individual, that thrives by committing to do what feels good in the moment – with all parts of the (sub)consciousness included.

Together, this beat, soul and funk create a real groovy dance. It remains a little bit abstract without a somewhat concrete example, so let me provide one:

A community at a yogic meditation dojo dances to the beat of yoga practices, collective work and communal eating.

It keeps a vibrant and lively atmosphere (funk) as each member is actively invited to participate in the creation of each element (e.g. designing the gardens), and decision making is mediated with specific guidelines that warrant inclusivity.

Every community member is invited and supported to become a more ‘whole’ individual (soul) with spiritual yoga practice, but also seen as a unique individual with complete freedom and the potential to be a leader in his or her unique way – however small.

That last bit makes a complete circle, as it connects Soul to Beat: everyone can change the beat …just the right amount.

‘Yoga’ is a beautiful practice in my opinion, but obviously any spiritual practice (something that makes you more aware) could be the basis for community.

1. Foundation

Let’s begin with the most practical part: a physical foundation – to feel safe with the earth, structures and physical objects. Providing for our bodily needs, it is the Earth element of community.

Rooting

To become whole with our surroundings and with nature, I think we need a practice of honoring the land. This can be permaculture farming, but it might as well be surfing. Some overlap is obviously useful for congruency and practical reasons, but the options are limitless. The overall idea is that we feel safe and in tune with nature and that ‘the land’ will start to readily share its abundance.

Proximity

Since most of us have grown up with walls around us – separating us physically and mentally – it can be daunting and even disturbing to live without them. While sharing life more intimately with others can heal us by pulling us out of our caged persona’s, a certain level of privacy and seclusion might also be necessary to come to the stillness that we need to integrate life lessons. 

Organic ways of sharing space, activity and rest, can beautifully align with natural rhythms of the day, month and year. Although I believe we have the same core needs, I experience everybody meeting those needs in different ways. Sharing certain things (like a kitchen or bathroom) can make total sense for some, while others like to keep it neatly separated. 

With our lives in constant change, so do our needs evolve. I believe that meeting our needs actually works better when we get the invitation to constantly iterate with what we have and what we need. All in all, maintaining a harmonious and ever-moving balance is what makes the community tick on a physical level – chaos and order, forming beauty and meaning together.

Ownership

To fully feel part of a physical place, I believe an agreement of physical ownership is key. It incentivizes intrinsic responsibility and commitment, and it creates a need for collective  decision-making. In my view these create the inner (energy) and outer (boundaries) forces of a strong community.

Simplicity 

Lastly, I feel that focusing on the essence – of what is and what can become – is necessary for any endeavor to be effective and sustainable. I also believe that for our lives to be enjoyable, we need to embrace simplicity. Things that feel easy, are rarely simple, and often the most simple things seem the most challenging. Epicurus and Winnie the Pooh can agree on that. Practically, this could mean needing less distractions, less stuff, less busyness and less energy wasted. 

2. Circles

Harmonious supporting group structures that make us feel safe in ourselves and with the people we share life with. Social and emotional support are the heart and soul, the Water and Fire element, of a community. 

Definition

A ‘circle’ points to the literal and figurative way a group connects as – can you guess? – a circle. It is the moment when several people connect around a common need or cause. Sitting around a campfire to warm up and feel safe is a simple example.

This example also reveals some important attributes of a circle: that everybody is connected to this shared cause (the ‘fire’ in the middle) and that everybody is connected to everybody else in the circle, so there is no typical hierarchy (there can still be ‘roles’ that grant specific power to individuals). Some other important attributes of a circle are: everybody is there on their own account; everybody can share and is heard without judgment; everybody is included in decisions. Circles can be any size but typically seem to me most ‘effective’ between 5 and 10 members.

Meritocracy

How can we create equality and at the same time honor our personal differences and need for leadership? I believe that answers lie with circles. A group can form several circles around specific purposes (e.g. food production, nature conservation or child care) and have these circles be connected by members overlapping in different circles. This creates a structure that distributes power in a very natural way, as it simultaneously creates very direct connections while also creating plenty of differentiation. This way, personal differences in age, sex, etc. create meaningful polarities and leadership opportunities. The passing on and distribution of knowledge and wisdom hereby lies at the center of decision making and community life in general.

Authenticity

You probably agree that an intimate relationship is built on trust. I believe that trust comes naturally when we see another person like a version of ourselves, and when we acknowledge our common desire to create the world we want to live in. But only when we can be real with each other. And that is quite a big ‘but’.

In my experience this is impossible to be real with others until we can be real with ourselves, which might require de-conditioning quite a few cultural norms that taught us to subtly deceive ourselves. I see spiritual practices as a way to strip off the layers we took on to ‘fit’ into society. If that is true, then how logical is it to ‘get naked’ together? In other words, I think we need each other to become more ‘ourselves’ by continuously practicing authenticity in community, as a spiritual practice.

Playfulness

Personally, I don’t see how any sacred endeavor can do without laughter, humor and mostly: playfulness! I feel a deep wisdom lying within the ability to play with everything that is challenging and provoking. Also, I believe it is our capacity to keep playing that allows us to heal ourselves as adults – to untangle the parts of us that have been constricted in the ‘survival-mode’ that helped us through tough moments. 

Some people in some situations seem to have a harder time being playful. I feel that deep down we are wired all the same, and since the healing effects of playing (the fun, open and inclusive kind) work in every direction, there can only be winners in the long run. How beautiful is that?

Sometimes drama and complications arise in the most peaceful settings. Equally, it can seem like a true skill to enjoy the most simple pleasures. Are we making things harder for ourselves? When I step into a playful and relatively safe field, the tension that has been built up inside of me during my lifetime (and maybe beyond) finally gets the opportunity to expand. As you can probably imagine, this can have emotional consequences that are less desirable. 

As long as my personal stories are taken seriously – by me and others around me – and I am not explicitly invited to step out of them, I remain trapped in repeating cycles. Maybe this is why ‘playing’ can also mean ‘acting’, and why certain forms of theater can be so liberating, allowing us to put on new masks. When we put play at the center of our lives, I believe our personal and collective traumas will have no more fuel to grow and will stop pestering us with depression and anxiety.

3. Narrative

Lastly, stories connect us to our infinite imagination. They make us feel safe within society and the greater container of the Universe. Our stories form the bedding for our mental and spiritual needs, and make up the Air and Cosmos elements of community.

Meaning

I support the existentialist worldview (coined by Victor Frankel), which regards meaning as that what holds us together mentally and spiritually – and that without it, we feel lost in a sea of meaninglessness. Whether you believe in divine purpose or universal chaos, the fact remains that we really really like to create meaning in pretty much any situation. It is this tendency that I think helps us create a more beautiful future, once we start to shape meaning as a collective. So no religious zealotry or guru-ism to divide our power and take away our responsibility.  

Wholeness

Myth, and language in general, is possibly the best way to retrace our footsteps as conscious humans on this globe. You could see storytelling as the container for our collective consciousness and unconsciousness – like how our narrative of money shapes the economy. This makes us ‘mythological creatures’, in the sense that we can only be ‘whole’ when our stories make sense with the world around us. For example the story of the divinity of nature, or who we are as man and woman.

Native tribes point, as did Carl Jung, to a form of wisdom that is only consciously accessible when we include our shadows – the parts of our psyche and our being that we rather ignore, repress or fully deny. I believe that when we don’t cultivate and pass on stories that include this wild and shadowy side, we succumb to ignorance. We fall into the traps of idealism, Guru-ism and extremism of all sorts, because our hearts and minds will keep feeling this ‘unholiness’ and try to fill it up.

Interconnected 

Sadly, I think that in many ways our current society has limited our ability to see and feel what is possible in any given moment. This seems good and sensible in a culture that promotes straight over gay, and ‘common-sense’ over creativity, because order (and possibly control) is held as a high virtue. But it seems to me utterly debilitating when we want to deal with anything that is nót predictable or known. I believe that the latter is absolutely essential in today’s world, in order to stop delving the natural resources around and inside us and instead embrace the magical abundance everywhere. I also feel this is only possible when we integrate narratives that let us embrace inter-connectedness and see the magical potential of the here and now.

I can imagine this feels rather abstract, but actually it is quite practical – in a non-doing kind of way. Permaculture farming is a great example, where nature is given back most of the lead. So instead of trying to control soil, plants and animals, we favor observing, listening and collaborating with them. 

The common question that helps us to connect with the mystery is, “how can we embrace that which is?” By remembering and passing on the stories that connect us with the infinite wisdom surrounding us, we can become part of the world again.

In the end…

I see this manifesto as a beginning of a journey. Still, I would like to end with a small summary and sort of a conclusion, for our minds make sense of it more easily. 

At the center stage, I see unifying fields (aka ‘relational healing containers’) as the most promising way to become more ‘whole’ beings – more connected with ourselves, each other and our environment. I’ve experienced this myself, and I really wish for everyone to experience this on a regular basis.

I’m pretty sure that in most gatherings there is the intention to connect with each other – emotionally, mentally, energetically, sometimes physically and maybe even spiritually. That said, I foresee a pretty big to bridge to build between everyday groups and communities, and the ones that specifically aim to facilitate the deeper intimacy, that I believe is necessary for healing and thriving.

Physical communities are possibly the best ‘bedding’ to create and hold these fields sustainably. Likely, because they can serve our three most basic human needs: physical safety and sustenance; emotional safety and social connection; mental well-being and spiritual sense making.

In order to grow strong communities, I believe we need harmony, for personal growth and healing to take place, and movement, to bring energy and purpose. Like Yin and Yang they create the balance that makes life possible. Both parts have a whole range of essential ingredients – like storytelling and permaculture – that I attempt to clarify in the chapters above.

All in all, this page is my attempt to share with you many of the insights I’ve gathered over the past years. May it give you some missing puzzle pieces and maybe even understand what resides under our common desire for community and move together towards a fruitful unfolding of it. It might be a bumpy road ahead, but I see the restoration of ‘our fabric of community’ as the most meaningful and beautiful undertaking of our generation.

I wish you all the best on your journey!

With love,

Jonas

Sources

I feel deeply grateful that there are many people out there sharing their ideas about community, spiritual awakening and collectively creating a home on this planet. Here is a list of my biggest sources of inspiration. I highly recommend each and every one of these books.

Charles Eisenstein - The more beautiful world our hearts know is possible

Jamie Wheal - Recapture the Rapture

Toko-pa Turner - Belonging, remembering ourselves home

Aubrey Marcus - Aubrey Marcus Podcast

Tej Steiner - Waking up together

Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements